Whose life are you living, anyway?

Every now and again I, like many, find myself contemplating where I’ve been, where I’m at and where I am going. With the many past accomplishments and present hope that comes to mind, so does a great deal of failure and fear. Sometimes when looking back I could seriously vomit at the humiliation, face planting and what feels like a waste of life. Then again, I am still here. I have a pulse and a purpose, a desire to continue moving forward. Success in happiness is written on my loved ones’ faces, the walls of my beautiful home and in my every step as I dance on in this ever-changing world, with my ever-changing plans.

Personal goals, dreams, plans are a necessity in life. They aren't selfish. They're human. They're key. To exist without any desire to better one’s self, experience new things and places or anything beyond simply surviving would put quite the cramp in evolution. It’s nature to think for you and do for you. In turn we rub off on others; our changes create greater changes for people- as do theirs for us, taking some and leaving some as we go along. We evolve as a whole while working on ourselves… or so this is my take.

Now with all that said, I have to examine how often my personal goals weren’t my goals at all, but someone else’s. You know, those times when another didn't healthily rub off on you, but actually consumed you and your purpose. All the while working to better ourselves, there are times we latch on to expectations or even mere suggestions and wind up living out (sometimes suffering to obtain) dreams that we didn’t necessarily desire to begin with. The battle in whether to push on or give up lies in the fear of ridicule and/or disappointment in others.

Unhappy marriages, forcing ourselves to connect to people we can’t stand, jobs we despise, breaking the bank for crap we don’t even want or need, dolling up to resemble the latest cover of Vogue, molding our kids to fit their peers standards, running with those assholes, the Jones’s- who don’t give a damn about us... One big ugghh for me, still very fresh in my mind and my monthly bill statements, is that run at school that quickly became more of a pain than a pleasure, yet I continued on because I was going to prove a point to those who said I couldn’t do it; those who said/say I never complete anything I start- words that came to mind, again, not too long ago as I was teetering on the edge of jumping into an extremely restricted and daunting lifestyle in order to carry out my once announced plans to compete on stage.

Words, shmords. Expectations? Never again.

I am rather fond of my marriage, my unique children, the cheap Kia that I drive, the few close connections I have, spending half my days with my hair standing straight up and living a life completely abstract to my neighbors. I don’t want to be a nurse like I once did, nor a psychologist, a writer, a fitness competitor or miserably compressed for the sake of anybody… Today I am good with being a mother, a wife, a receptionist, occasional blogger, someone who initiates healthy eating and hits the gym hard every day because it makes me feel incredible, someone in the works of getting certified to help save lives in a different way because my heart desires such, someone laughing, dancing, learning, progressing. Today I am in control of my own destiny- knowing tomorrow my direction and desires may change completely and I am perfectly okay with that as long as it’s because of me… as long as I have a dream- my dream.


“Don't live down to expectations. Go out there and do something remarkable….” –Wendy Wasserstein

Mandie Ursenbach

There is no telling how many miles you will have to run while chasing a dream

It’s been several months (a couple close to a year) since I’ve thrown my thoughts onto paper or screen. Every once in a great while it’s come to mind, but I think breaking from writing was just as powerful of a release as writing once was. I am still torn on fully diving in again, not to mention time being somewhat scarce when it comes to this sort of thing.

Time… it can be quite the chase, right? Too much and not enough. I’m learning time lies completely in us. It gives to us what we give to it.

This has certainly been a year I’ll never forget. I feel like my family, as a whole, has progressed more than ever before. My marriage is the best it’s ever been. My children are definitely defining their individuality and through their frequent flights, they seem to be landing just where they need to be. Of course all of this didn’t come without a few rough runs; which has only proven that what doesn’t kill us totally makes us more kick ass in life!

Earlier in 2011 my husband stepped away from his construction business of six years and went to work for a high end cabinet shop. It worked for a few months and then it created more stress than we were experiencing before the switch. Since mid- summer he has been back to his construction business with his original partner and while they managed to stay super busy through to the end of the year, things are slowing down once again. My husband is an incredibly talented craftsman and really is happiest where he’s at. However he has some big plans in the works that will definitely be THE change of all changes for my incredibly driven husband, as well as this entire family… Everything has always worked out for us and I know with everything in me that it always will.

My oldest daughter started high school this year. Half way through the first semester she changed from public school to private. It’s been exactly what she’s needed to succeed, both academically and socially! She has recently gotten into weight lifting and, of course, will be playing softball again in the spring. My son is in his second year of junior high/middle school. He is still smart as ever and he’s Mr. Popularity too! What about that gaming and skateboarding? But, of course!... Then there’s my almost five year old “Monkey Butt” (never good when her nickname gets reversed)- my brilliant, beautiful tornado! She is into music, dancing, drawing, going to “Happy” Klub and umm, what isn’t she into?

My kids are, well, they’re my kids- children with a right to privacy. I may share occasional bits about them here, per their permission, but I haven’t a desire nor do I find it appropriate to put all of their details on display. We love picture sharing and have all, as a whole, agreed on what we do and don’t want put out here. Details of my children’s personal trials as well as their successes are theirs to share on their own networking accounts and cell phones, should they choose to.

“Change always comes bearing gifts…”  -Price Pritchett

As for me, what a year! And I can share, as I already have with the many fantastic souls who grace me with their love regularly. When I look back at my year of many changes it’s my husband, my babies, my family (what I’ve taken in and what I’ve released), my best friends, my new friends, old friends, super hero doctor and trainers, as well as all the testy shit heads that have played an enormous role in my current state! My head and heart have finally established a very strong, happy and healthy place together and it’s all because of you… and, well, some (maybe a lot) of me too!

I traded my (only two years in) psychology education for an education (currently in progress) in personal training. Lucky for me I get to practice both passions in what I am doing now. A healthy body cannot be without a healthy mind. Thanks to the most amazing Dr. Willey and Stephanie of Stephanie.Fitness, as well as Ace Call (CFO of drwilley.com), I was able to gain some incredible training experience on my sister by running her through the 10W Boot Camp- a Dr. Willey program designed to get you in the best shape of your life! And it did just that for my awesome sister! Be proud of yourself sis, because we are all so very proud of you! 

In addition to all this fun fitness stuff I am working on, I took a job at a big tanning salon and spa late last summer. It started as a means of something to do while I figured out what I was really going to do. And now, six months later, I am having a blast. I am even looking forward to next month’s lotion training in my wedges! (openly eating my own words) Who knew?!... I really enjoy the environment, the regulars and the personal benefits of working for the salon/gym crew. Everything I am doing there, here and everywhere all run together quite nicely. Occasional chaos and all, I am having a great time!

“The greatest oak was once a little nut who held its ground.”  -Author Unknown

I’ll go ahead and add that through clean eating, intense strength training and lots of self loving therapy I lost 30 plus scale pounds and a few hundred emotional demons just this last year- all 100% natural. Two years of serious work and thanks to my awesome doctor/trainer and the self help section of my local library, it was the second year that did the trick! In 2011 I went from a size 7/8 to a size 4/5. I went from (don’t judge, Taco Bell happens) a shocking 33% body fat to my current 15% body fat. My lean mass continues to go up and my shape, definition, etc. is continually changing as well. I can run, jump and I can lift! Through this journey I learned just how strong I really am, mind and body. I learned how important our inside health is to everything going on outside. I know control and how to work it for achieving my personal goals… One of which was to do a figure competition someday. I haven’t gotten that far yet, but I did jump into a bikini competition where I won first in my (midget) class and took third in the overall, with the win for fan favorite- most votes!

A part of me wants to someday continue in that direction and the rest of me finds more fulfillment in helping others achieve a balance of health and happiness. I want to save lives, both physically and psychologically. Wherever I land, I am most certain I am up for the challenge!

Until next time… <3 <3 <3               
               


Mandie Ursenbach